Boundaries in christian dating relationships
After we had messed up, I told him that we needed to set boundaries. In the book of Solomon, Solomon’s wife describes their relationship, “His left hand is under my head, and his right hand embraces me! It is never too late to have a talk about boundaries or change your boundaries. If you are walking with God, living by the power of the Holy Spirit, and working through all the questions above, I believe you will know if you and your boyfriend can hug and cuddle and to what extent.We could have avoided this confusion if we would have set boundaries day one. In high school, I could have made out with a stranger and not felt guilty. I know he loved God, but I don’t think his desire to pursue purity was as big as my desire. I tried to give him opportunities to set boundaries. I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles of the field, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases.” (Solomon 2:6-7). If the Holy Spirit is convicting you about something, you have to listen. Remember, pleasing God is way more important that pleasing your flesh.Finally, (and most importantly) ask yourself: Does this honor God? God cares about your purity and wants you to flee from temptations. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? The Bible tells us to not have sex until your wedding night.When you don’t know what your boundaries should be or you let them change from day to day, it’s easy to lose a sense of who you are.Instead of being responsible for your own happiness, it gets far too simple to take on the emotions and needs of the person you’re dating.
Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? When you sin sexually, you are making God’s temple into a prostitute.Answer these questions and then talk to a spiritual leader in your life who knows you well. God has forgiven your pasts, so I am not trying to bring back guilt. (Do this separately.) But if you have a past full of sexual experiences, a long intimate hug could cause you to stumble. If this continue to happen more than 2 or 3 times, I would end it. You want to set boundaries together and you want to both constantly fight for them. But you have to both want purity and want to fight for it.If your boyfriend is following Jesus, he will want to protect your heart and purity. You can do this without sharing details of your past that don’t need to be shared yet. If one doesn’t want to fight as hard, he/she will pull down the other.It may not be a huge red flag if he doesn’t initiate the conversation, but it may mean he is not ready to lead you spiritually.Give him grace, but if you have to keep initiating every single boundary conversation = red flag.