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I thought the commenter asked some good questions and raised some interesting points.So I’m going to post her comment below with my thoughts in italics.“Daughter of a Widower” writes: I stumbled across this website trying to find information to help me understand my recently widowed dad's new relationship. Why does it seem like men in particular feel comfortable starting new relations so quickly (I know that's relative) after their wives have died?If the roles were reversed, and I was a non-widowed single person dating a widower, I’m sure I’d feel a degree of insecurity about my partner’s attachment to his late wife.But the other option — to leave Shawn behind forever — is not something I’m going to choose. A few days after setting up my online profiles, I decided to take them down. I wasn’t quite sure why I felt this way, only that I was pretty sure I couldn’t communicate the wholeness of my experience in just a few sentences and a handful of photos.I cried as I deleted the last profile, though I didn’t know if it was from relief or something else. “I know he’s out in the universe cheering me on,” I said to a friend later that night. Before we started dating, Shawn was my friend, and he used to offer me dating advice.I wonder what he’d say about my tragic forays into the dating world.In many ways, we have lost the ability to make small talk or to say anything other than exactly what’s on our minds. Almost every widow I know has a wild story about a stranger’s reaction after learning her relationship status.Most of us have dealt with experiences that our peers won’t have to face for decades, and that means that we don’t have the patience to play games. In my case, that means you get a 39-year-old widow with three young kids. One of my friends was hit on by her late husband’s friend, a barber, as he cut her son’s hair.
Yet another went on several dates with a “nice” guy who she later found out was arrested and incarcerated for a decade for possessing child pornography.
I bet he’d smile and have a good joke ready to help me feel better about it all.
Today’s Widower Wednesday column comes from a comment that was posted on my Dating and Marriage: One Regret post.
“Please tell me it’s okay to find someone,” I said to no one in particular. I was widowed at 38 and had plenty of dating years ahead of me.
The problem was that I didn’t know anything about the modern world of dating I faced.